January 17, 2012

"Let your bending in the archer's hand be for gladness"

Today started out rough. And I can't explain exactly why, but it just felt like I started the morning defeated. I didn't have enough patience for my boys as I hurriedly made breakfast, monitored potty time, got them and myself ready to drop them off at their school. I felt painfully aware of my shortcomings as a mother yet I couldn't snap out of it. Now as I sit here with the smell of lentil soup filling the quiet house, finally drinking my first cup of coffee, trying to enjoy this time alone, I feel that despite my sadness at not having the ability to be perfect I have countless opportunities, every moment really, to accept this fact and simply do my best. But that isn't bringing me comfort right now. Right now I just feel bad. I would really like to start the day over but because I can't I will start now; starting now my challenge is to reset and let go of all the things I want to get done, to let go of how I want my boys to behave, to let go of reaching the too high bar that I set for myself.

2 comments:

  1. I do hear you my friend. Perfectionism is like a drill that just won't stop spinning, and when the sadness comes it just makes everything louder. Hang in there.
    I woke up so many times last night thinking of all my must-do's and how I am going to get them done within 6 weeks and without neglecting my children lol. The first thing I said to myself when I got out of bed was "just one thing at a time girl, do what's directly in front of you." Sometimes that's all we can do, and somehow we still make it to the other side :).
    Thinking of you Cortnie...
    xo

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  2. This is EXACTLY how I feel at times (lately more often than ever before). You are not alone! I just looked at my blog the other day and the resounding theme seems to be MESS right now..LOL. Motherhood is the hardest and most challenging job on the planet. And most of the time I feel like i'm failing. I think as Moms we're generally too hard on ourselves. Our kids are resilient. They don't need us to be perfect, they just need perfect love :) So glad to meet you, from one mommy of twins to another--you're pretty awesome!

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